Owned At The Airport

Almost 2 years ago, I went to NYC to an event with this company I was doing some contract work for. On the way home, I got so humiliated online, and it still makes me laugh so hard thinking about it.

I was at the airport, waiting for my flight at the gate. There were these tables where you could sit on a stool and use an iPad, or charge a device. I grabbed a seat at one, since my phone was running low.

About 5 or 10 minutes after I sat, these two guys came and sat at the seat directly facing me. One was wearing a Fleshlight sweatshirt, and they just had a real kind of general Toronto Guy look to them. I had earbuds on, but a few times I heard them drop a few names kind of loudly, including that plagiarist guy “The Fat Jew” and a couple of similar guys who are sort of in that odd world of weird Internet meme-posting Vegas douchebags. (Sidetrack here: I’ve never seen any real articles or anything about this whole phenomenon of this certain type of guy, but I think there’s a lot of juicy material there.)

After the guys had been sitting there a short while, I saw two airport employees start coming towards them and saying something, and my first thought was basically: Aww hell yeah, if security is talking to a guy in a Fleshlight shirt, this is my lucky day to watch some guys get kicked out of an airport, and I hope I find out exactly what they did. I thought at minimum, the security guys were going to tell them to stop swearing so much. I took out my earbuds to eavesdrop more effectively.

I soon realized that the guys weren’t in trouble. After a minute, it became clear that one of the security guys had recognized these guys, and wanted his picture taken with them. I heard him say “I have to go get my jacket to cover my uniform, I’ll be back in 5 minutes”, and one of the douchebag guys was nice and offered to lend him his jacket for the pic.

I decided that there was no way I was going to be tactful about this weird situation, so after the airport guys left, I said to the douchebag guys: “Hey, I gotta ask, what was the deal with that, who are you?” I really didn’t want to spend the next few hours wondering what was going on.

One of the guys started by saying “Uhh it’s called Kirill Was Here” and kind of.. not stammering or anything, but he seemed to be having a hard time explaining. It took him 5 or 10 seconds to kind of say “It’s like, we uh, go around the country throwing parties. At nightclubs”. I remember resisting the urge to go “Oh yeah, so you’re a DJ or a promoter, that’s really weird and hard to explain” haha.

Within a minute or so of that exchange, the plane started boarding, and as soon as I got on, I started searching for these guys online. I immediately not only found them, but when I loaded their Twitter account, the first thing I saw was that they retweeted the airport guy, who had posted the photo, which looked like this:



Now it’s almost impossible that you haven’t already noticed, but if you look in the back, you miiiiight just notice a guy in a red toque – a guy who seems to be extremely interested in what’s going on, and yeah, that guy is cool and me.

So when I saw the picture, I immediately screen-capped it and I was sooo happy that I had been lucky enough to see, and even get a copy of, this actual photo, and that I showed up in it so well.

But as I was looking at it, some random follower of the party guys did that joke format that people do a lot, where he cropped the picture to just be my head, and wrote “Did you guys notice the super creepy guy staring in the background?”

I of course immediately screen-capped the whole exchange (I’ve lost it now) and sent it to everyone I could, and retweeted it, and it made me laugh super hard, because I really, genuinely love this kind of dumb crap.

I have to admit though, I really think I’m one of the most laid back people there is, and I don’t care about people making fun of me at this point in my life (I’m old), especially over something that’s just goofy like this, but I did have maybe like a little 5% tinge of “Oh shit I feel bad”, and it really made me think about how shitty it is when people creep-shot random people on the bus, subway, etc. I’ve never done that, but never gave it a ton of thought, but just getting that tiny little twinge of some kind of emotion made me think like oh damn, a teenager – who are big balls of uncontrolled emotion – or a lot of less manly adults – this stuff could really, really bum them out for so long.

But don’t worry the real lesson of the story is how hard I got owned by the guy calling me a creep and zooming in on my head hahaha. I wish I could find that tweet, but Google Images isn’t helping when I upload this photo, and I can’t seem to scroll back to the right time range in the Kirill Was Here timeline on Twitter. It’s okay, tons of important moments in history are just lost to the ages.