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I have a weird problem where I always want to know various statistics that are almost certainly unknowable. Here is an example:

Yesterday was the 15 year anniversary of 9-11. A lot of people were reminiscing about it – wait, is that the right word, reminiscing? That sounds a bit too friendly. I already almost wrote “15 year birthday of 9-11″, and I don’t want to get in a bunch of trouble or look flippant.

Anyway, people were remembering 9-11 all over the place yesterday, and for some reason I got this idea in my head, and I can’t shake it: I really want to know who ate the most chicken wings on September 11, 2001 in NYC.

I’m not trying to make a joke or anything – I really just am curious about this. I am sure that overall people probably didn’t eat out a lot that day, and I’m sure a large amount of restaurants closed, but there must have been some open, right? I think? Surely there were some bars open, and bars often serve wings.

And there must have been people who went out to eat and were really hungry, and they ordered wings, and then, with all the shock and emotions going on, it’d be pretty natural for someone to deal with it by over-eating. People love dealing with emotions by eating a lot of food, because it tastes good.

I also can just picture some guy going to a bar that serves wings just going “Fuck it man, life is short, we can all go at a moment’s notice, might as well live a little” and then eating maybe 35 wings. Perhaps the guy saying this was pretty drunk – I am sure a lot of people got drunk that night, as a way of dealing with the craziness. Wings are extremely popular with drunk people.

Theories and logic aside though, in the end, it’s impossible to know who ate the most wings on 9-11.